Show of hands here: who, over the age of 12, looks forward to Valentine's Day? *crickets* I bet most adults think VD stands for Very Disappointing (or Venereal Disease, which is just as disappointing). So let's change that! Let's throw away all expectations and just make it fun, or obnoxious, or a time for gags- anything other than what it is.
Here are 5 ideas to make this VD Very Different:
1) Surprise your partner in the bedroom with something goofy. Women can cut to an interesting shape and stick on a merkin in one of three colors (The Carpet Matches The Drapes, Natural Pink, or Michael Jackson's Hair) or men can walk around in some tight skivvies with enhancement inserted á la Trunk in my Junk. Innocuous, but guaranteed for a few giggles.
2) Speaking of VD, arrange for some fake STD results to be left lying around. It's sure to start a fight where hopefully the making up part will make up for the bad practical joke.
3) Have a threesome with inflatable Hilary Duff (because you have some left over from your Super Bowl party and because there are few things creepier than the sound of sweaty body parts touching vinyl. Ewwwww.)
4) Make a custom puzzle out of a photo you take of one of your body parts. I prefer my elbow pit. (see attached photo and available at shutterfly.com) Watch as your valentine is shocked and awed by what unfolds as the puzzle takes shape.
5) If you don't have a Valentine because every guy you know is a douchebag, then leave them all DoucheBombs in strategic places, letting them know just how Very Douchey they are. You can snuggle up later with your cats and watch the Lifetime Channel reflecting on how many women you just did a huge favor for and really enjoy your Valentine's Day.
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